[GOT7] Scratchpad {MarkSon}

ลำดับตอนที่ #20 : [OS] Please Don't Go [E]

 

Please Don't Go

I don't think this day will come.....



Actually, I never imagine it can happen.




The day that he said he don't want to be with me anymore.



"Just break up, that's all." He used to talkative, he always tell me many and many stories.




Today why's he say less? 


Is it because the weather seem so cold?


Is it because he gets sick?


Is it because he's annoying? 


Is it because he want to go that much?



Is it because of ME.... standing right here in front of him?







....One day....




"Mark!!!!!" His hoarse voice shouts out my name.



"Here." I answer and wait for him showing, sitting on my lap. I'm patting his head, press my hand on his nose.



"I have one question" 



"...." I can answer him hundred thousand question, that was I think but did not say it out loud. There's no reason to tell him silly thing.



"If we break up,..."



"That's never gonna happen" I promptly say and that makes him amazed for a while.



"I say 'IF', just imagine if we break up"



"Why does I have to think about the impossible situation" he pauses..... too long.



Okay, it's not pause. He sulks.



"Language please! And you have to say it in If-clause type2 conditional because it's unreal condition." Whenever he seems to sulk, angry or having a bad mood, I can't help myself give in.



Many people say I spoiled him too much, but it's their problem, not mine. I'm very fine to let he do whatever he wants because when he's smile, I smile wider. When he's happy, I'm the one who is happier.



"No problem. If... I say IF we broke up, what would you do?"



"......" There's only silence in my head. I've never thought about that before. 



What would I suppose to do? 



I'll just pull him in my arms, but if he wants to break up with me, is it necessary to bring him back? 



Can I make sure that he still want me to do it?




"Mark..." Jackson's voice brings me back to reality again.



"It's too hard to answer you right now. Sorry Gaga, I don't mean to bother you. I....."



"It's okay Mark. Don't worry, I'm just asking. Unreal condition, remember?" He smiles and uses both hands grope my cheek







But I never think that day will come too soon. I still don't remember when we have that conversation, last month, last year, longer than that. Right now it feels like yesterday.



"Mark...." Again that his voice brings me back from my memory.



"...." I say nothing, just looking at his face. Try to remember every details that I fall for over and over again. 



He's Hong Kong, male, 28years-old, light and smooth skin, rounded eyes, prominent nose even not as mine, and attractive plump lips. He's so kind and funny. He's very attractive, his face, his characteristics, his personalities, even his movements. 



I never think I can fall for anyone so deep, but I fall for him,



My sunshine,



My Gaga, name I usually call to make him special from another.




"Are you okay?" I try to smile but it will look like smirk then I nod.



"I will be fine."



Right now I know the answer. If he wants to go, who am I? how dare I opposed to his choice.



"Take care yourself. I will be in touch." He comes and hugs me, like friends did. 



I feel dizzy, do not know what I suppose to do. 



Then I decide to hug him back, very tightly, press my head on his shoulder, smell his perfume that I brought him as a present. It's very suited him.



"Mark, I gotta go." I hear my heart beats wrongly like something's broken.



I step back, smile at him like there's nothing wrong, like when he told me he had to go to country for his work and he will be back as soon as possible. But this time is not the same.




He goes and never comes back.




I watch him pulling his luggage far and faraway for me. 



When I hear the door gaps, I suddenly don't know how I get to him that close and hug him that tightly than ever.




"Mark..." His voice starts shaking. I don't like when it's going like this, but I can't let him go now.





"I'll be fine. Life without you would be fine Jackson, but it will be tough, very tough. 




I can't make sure I can handle it."




He starts to cry, his body was shook a little, his tear falls down on my hand, one, two, and more. 



I turn him against me. 



Our eyes met.


I slowly wipe his eyes, kissing his cheeks and laying like that.


His tear never stop as I still hold him very tight. He may feel uncomfortable, but I'm too fear to let him far from me. If I let him free, will he disappear or run away?




"I can't lose you Jackson. You hear me, I can't lose you." I whisper in his ears, trying so hard to control my voice not shaking. 



I'm weak, I'm so fragile, I've just realized all these truths when he breaks up with me.



"If I beg on my knee, if I hold you more tightly, if I say 'please stay with me', will you stay?" 



I did not know I cry until he smile and wipe my eyes back.



"Don't cry Mark. I'm sorry, so sorry." I never cry in front of him. I want to be the guy who has a shoulder's he can cry on. 



"I have to go, it's too late to fix anything. I'm truly sorry for everything." 




This is the first time he saw me beg and cry.



And it'll be the last time because he still left.






I'm standing at the same place even he left for a while.




I have recognized that my heart does not beat wrongly or broken, 


It's torn into pieces.




And there's no way to be the same because the one who throw them in piece is gone too far away,



Never come back again.




END

Talk: HBD Jackson #KINGJACKSONDAY
Sorry for my bad grammar and word choice like always, and so sorry if I make you disappointed.

:) Shalunla