doodles

เนื้อเรื่อง

Sometimes I feel that I'm doing it wrong. You know that feeling...like you're not doing it right. It's like you're going against the law. It's like you're something society wants to get rid of. That lowest feeling you ever felt in your life. I feel like that all the time.

....

I'm sorry. I pulled you into this mess. I never wanted it to turn out the way it has. I wanted us to be together for a long time. I missed Pink. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. She opened my eyes to a whole new world. A possibility that I could have never imagined exist. But look at me now. Pink was also the worst thing that ever happened to me Anan. Look at us. We're crap. Society hates us. We hate them. We're even. They tried to kick us out. We fight back. Get rid of the buldings. Paint the white walls. Piss on their cars. Spit on their shoes. I love it.

Maybe one day you will understand why I do the things I do. Maybe you will take your curiosity to your grave. We are not made the same way dad. We're not. You were made to lead this big company, to be ambitious, to be a manwhore, to be "the man." I was made to be your crappy kid. I was made to make your life miserable. I was made to make you feel punished of the sin you have caused.

You know I often come here because I can look all night up there and I feel nothing can hurt me. No one can stop me from looking. No one can interfere my observations and they don't feel intimidated because I'm watching them. The stars...they are so beautiful.

Do you know what's under the ocean? Do you know how big this universe is? We're not even a molecule of a dust of this big universe. So what if I'm going to die. Who the fuck cares? In a year, my name will be forgotten anyway. People move on anyway. What's the point of me wasting my life doing something I DON'T WANT TO ANA? If I'm gonna live, I'll live this life the way I want to live. Not the way you want me to live. Everyone is gonna die one day. I'll choose to die HAPPY dad. I don't give a fuck what you think about me.

I don't know what love is. I have never felt it. Am I a psychopath? The last time I cried I think was when my mom died. Then I just...never felt anything again. Everything went numb. Sometimes I had to fake my feelings so people don't look at me all weird. I'm not ashamed of how I am like mose psychopaths tho. I think it's funny. Life is funny. Everything is funny. Especially when you feel like a God walking around seeing emotional people and you know you're way above that. You know you're up here and they're not. You feel like God.

Now love. I don't love you see. But I fuck. Because although I have no emotions, my physical intact still works. Fucking feels great and I do it for fun. So I thought why the heck don't I do it for money also