UNISTAR : Invisible Moon [English Version]

ลำดับตอนที่ #37 : Chapter 35 : The Liberated Moon

Invisible Moon

Chapter 35
The Liberated Moon

"Sometimes, standing on the ground,
is more liberating than hanging in the sky."
#WINisWIND

'The reason I want to be a UNISTAR is because I want to be with P'In.'

This was my honest answer.

But, how could I say it?

I could simply say that I wanted to be a UNISTAR for other reasons, other than P'In. I could create any reasons in flowery sentences, making everyone wholeheartedly trust me, believe in me, and be impressed with me.

I would probably gain more votes. I might even win and become the new UNISTAR member.

I just needed to say it.

However...

Why was it that when I tried to say it, my voice seemed to disappear? I couldn't even say a word.

Because my honest answer was the total opposite.

"The clock is ticking, N'Win." P'Leo pressured me.

I looked at P'In. He seemed to worry, the expression in his eyes was complex. Then he gave me a sign by shaking his head.

I was stunned. P'In was implying that he wanted me to deny P'Leo's accusation.

However, just thinking of rejecting my honest feelings caused me to feel so much pain.

"I don't..." I tried to speak out, but my words were stuck.

I was trying to say: 'P'In is not the reason I want to be a UNISTAR.' But I couldn't, since it wasn't the truth.

Right. Before, I thought I wanted to be under the spotlight, I wanted to be the light for other people. If I became the Moon, I would like to be as good as P'In. But when I had realised my real feelings towards P'In, I knew that I wanted to be with P'In more than I wanted to become a UNISTAR.

I could probably lie to everyone else, but I couldn't lie to myself.

If I won and became a UNISTAR, then what would be next?

I would have to carry the baggage of this lie forever.

I've realised this for a long time now, and it had burdened me since I did that interview claiming that I wasn't gay and had never thought about dating P'In. I had lied to everyone all along.

'I'm sorry P'In. I'm sorry to everyone who is cheering for me. I might disappoint all of you. But...I'll take responsibility for that.'

No more lies.

I closed my eyes.

I would take it all on my own.

"Yes. P'Leo. You're right."

I decided to answer. Amidst the shock of the audience.

P'In widened his eyes, as did other UNISTAR members except P'Sea, who was smiling slightly, and P'Leo, who was still indifferent.

"This means that you really want to be with N'In, right?" P'Leo asked, confirming.

I tried to get a hold of myself.

"Before, I used to be a fading person. I used to dream about being under the spotlight like the Moon. That was until I met P'In. P'In was my inspiration, he made me value myself. He made me realise that if we believe in ourselves, nothing is impossible. At first, I truly wanted to pass the light I had received from P'In, to inspire other people. Like P'In had once said; the happiness that is passed on to others, will be the happiness that lasts forever."

My eyes met P'In's. There were so many expressions in his eyes.

"But..." I continued. "After I got to know P'In better, I realised that my feelings were beyond simple admiration."

"You like N'In?" P'Leo asked directly.

My hands were trembling, but I ignored everything that surrounded me. I only listened to what my heart said.

"I'd like to apologise to everyone. Up to this moment, I haven't been truthful and P'In even did an interview to protect me. At that time, I was afraid I'd disappoint everyone. However, even though the problem has been solved, I've not been happy."

I felt very hurt.

"I like P'In." My voice was quivery. "He isn't just my senior. I like P'In, who is my inspiration, my power, and my happiness. I could be myself every time I was with him."

I looked at P'In. P'In looked so shocked. I heard vociferous curses from P'In's fans. But I could only pull myself together.

P'Leo nodded after hearing my answer. He glanced at the DomKati area, which had turned very chaotic before turning back to me.

"Do you realise that your answer will make people hate you, and you could lose this contest?"

"I do." I said firmly. I could barely hold the microphone.

"Then why do you still insist on giving that answer?" P'Leo asked again.

"Because..." I said.

"I could lie to everyone, but I can't lie to my own feelings. I really can't do that."

I paused for a while. It was such a difficult time, and I really wanted to escape from here.

"If I lied and ended up winning, this lie would burden me for the rest of my life, or until one day when I couldn't lie anymore. So I decided that it's better to lose everything now, even if the whole country would hate me. Because in the end, I won't regret being honest with myself."

"Do you think it's worth it? Telling the truth, but losing everything. Is it really worth it?"

P'Leo kept asking. So I shook my head.

"It isn't worth it at all." I was trembling.

"I just couldn't lie anymore. Because...I've never been happy because of it."

I was on the verge of tears. No! I shouldn't cry here.

I glanced at P'In. His expression was so restless and serious. Then I realised I shouldn't implicate him with this issue.

"But P'In isn't involved in this," I said hurriedly.

"P'In always treats me as his little brother." I couldn't hold my tears back any longer.

"P'In doesn't like me. He has never thought about me that way. P'In is a very nice person. He has never rejected me or felt annoyed with me. Everything is my fault. I'd like DomKati to understand this. If everyone thinks I'm troublesome, from now on, I'm willing to stay away from P'In."

P'In looked at me in confusion and quickly shook his head again. But I wasn't sure what P'In was implying, whether he didn't want me to speak anymore, or he didn't like what I said. I continued nonetheless.

"What I've said today is my honest feelings. I'd like to sincerely apologise to everyone, including those who were cheering for and encouraging me. If it makes everyone hate me, I'll accept the consequences. A liar like me does not deserve to be a UNISTAR, let alone be with P'In. I should know my place. I'm very sorry!"

After I finished talking, there was a loud noise from the crowd but I could barely catch a word. PD Kwang's expression turned serious. P'Natee and P'Wayu seemed very shocked. Only P'Sea and P'Leo seemed unfazed.

"What? N'In?..." P'Leo turned to speak with P'In, but we could still hear some of his voice through the mic.

I saw P'In impatiently discussing something with P'Leo. But they were too far away from me, so I couldn't hear what they were talking about.

P'Leo then raised his eyebrows.

"You want to talk to N'Win?" P'Leo spoke with a smile.

"Sorry, N'In. I'm still interviewing N'Archawin. Other than me, no one else can comment or help the candidate."

P'In frowned. He turned back to me, worried and concerned apparent on his face.

"The last question," P'Leo asked me again.

"Based on what you said, it sounds like you have already given up on becoming a UNISTAR?"

I forced myself to smile.

"For me. P'In and UNISTAR are like the light, giving me the strength to stand here. If I were the one to destroy that light, to destroy the fans who supported that light, then how could I pursue this path...?"

I bowed my head to the judging panel and audience.

"This is my honest opinion. From now on, no matter what will happen. I...Archawin will be responsible for everything I've done, and I'll accept any judgement."

"Understood. Thank you." P'Leo said.

Now that my interview part had ended, the audience's chaotic screaming became more prominent. The host hurriedly took over to calm the crowd.

"Thank you N'Archawin for the interview. Next, the judges will decide the score. The UNISTAR website has already provided the additional votes for every account. Everyone can vote now."

"Let's take a short break with our sponsors, and we'll be back with the results later."

The 10-minute break was actually given so that the contestants and UNISTAR members could rest for a while. I saw P'In hurriedly stood up and talked to P'Sea, who looked a bit surprised. Then, they both went somewhere else to talk.

PD Kwang was discussing something with P'Leo. But I had no idea what they were talking about.

"Win! Are you crazy?" Oat rushed towards me.

"You like P'In? But why do you have to say that? Are you okay?" Oat seemed very concerned about me.

"No, I'm not okay." I said.

I couldn't stand it any longer. I suddenly cried out. Oat was a bit surprised, but he hurriedly consoled me. Other candidates saw me crying and looked at me with pity.

"It will be fine. Don't think too much. Everything will end once the results are revealed." Oat patted my shoulder.

I couldn't help but cry. Oat gave me a pack of tissues and a staff came to call us when it was time to go back to the stage.

We were standing on the stage, and the UNISTAR members were already back in their seats as well. I saw that P'In's expression was calm now. However, he didn't take his eyes off me. But I was the one who couldn't face him.

After this day, I don't think I would even dare to talk to him anymore.

"We're back with the National Moon — UNISTAR Contest 5th Generation!"

"Right now, we have already collected all the scores from the judges. Before we close the online vote, let's see the scores given by the judges."

It was the same as last year. When the judges' score was announced, the screen would show the name of the contestant who received the highest score from each judge.

It's almost like each judge would personally choose the best candidate they think was most suitable to become a UNISTAR member. Last year, P'Leo and PD Kwang gave P'Wayu the highest score, while P'Sea and P'In chose P'Natee.

However, the UNISTAR members couldn't give any scores to the candidates from their own universities. So P'Leo and P'Natee couldn't give any scores for Oat, while P'In and P'Wayu couldn't choose me. So the 30% from UNISTAR members would only be calculated from the members from other universities instead.

"Please show the highest scores from each judge."

The screen on the stage then displayed each UNISTAR member's name, including PD Kwang.

Then, the names of chosen candidates were shown.

As soon as the names appeared, the audience broke into fervent cheers. I saw the screen and blinked, again and again, until I realised that I didn't have a visual illusion.

Because the scores were...

Highest score of candidates from each judge:

PD Kwang : Win (XU)

Sea : Sun (XYU)

Leo : Win (XU)

In : Sun (XYU)

Natee : Win (XU)

Wayu : Sun (XYU)

How was it possible? I could barely believe it. I received the highest score from three of the judges!

Even with that sort of answer? Why? I was full of doubt.

I looked at the judges in shock. P'Leo and PD Kwang smiled at me. However, P'In seemed to be stressed.

"The highest scores have already been revealed," The host said.

"Let's listen to the comments from each judge. Why did you give this candidate the highest score? Let's start with PD Kwang."

PD Kwang looked at me and said.

"I chose N'Win, because he reminded me of myself in the past. I also used to be an ordinary person, without any special talent. N'Win had taken so much effort to change himself, even more, he wasn't afraid to do what most people lack the courage to do, so I am very impressed."

"Although I always say that the UNISTAR project focuses on the image, I still want to see the idols who aren't afraid to tell the truth. Because this type of person can make people trust him. I believe N'Win can have a bright future. I wish you success in everything."

I was very amazed by his words. I couldn't believe that he was able to see the good points in my risky answer. It was almost unbelievable.

"Next, Khun Leo, UNISTAR." The host said.

"Like I said before asking, my question was just a test," P'Leo said.

"Because I think, one day, no matter who becomes a UNISTAR, there will be more people who both love and hate you. Sooner or later, even if I didn't ask you today, people would ask you someday anyway. It might also be in public with hundreds of thousands people watching you like today. All UNISTAR members had been through this already."

"If you couldn't even answer it today, you are not ready to become a UNISTAR member. Just imagine, what if one day you're facing the same situation as today, what would you do? You might lose your fame, you might be afraid to be an idol, or you might want to quit, but it would be too late. However, if you can answer, it means that you have nothing to fear in this idol path."

P'Leo looked at me with a serious gaze.

"For N'Win. Even though I asked that question, honestly, I didn't expect him to be this honest, which truly impressed me. Some people call the world of idols 'the illusion', because many things you see may not always be the truth. It all depends on how the media, agent, or idol wants you to see them. However, N'Win isn't like that. He decided not to follow the social trend nor the illusion but instead, he chose to be honest to himself and his fans, which is really rare in the idol world..."

P'Leo smiled at me and continued.

"If N'Win wins, his honesty will strengthen the image of UNISTAR. Because we are brand ambassadors. The UNISTAR project had already built many unique images, but no one could build an outstandingly honest image like him. Thus, for me, he is exactly the one UNISTAR we have been looking for. I wish you good luck."

I couldn't believe what P'Leo said. During the interview part, I was afraid of P'Leo. But after he explained all his reasons, I was amazed by his thoughts. Also, I felt so appreciated that he accepted me.

"What about Khun Natee? What do you think?" The host asked.

"I agree with P'Leo." P'Natee said. "N'Win is so amazing! He dares to admit his feelings. How can we control our love? How can we decide to like or not to like someone? Take a dog for example, can it even choose to be born as one? Someone was even born like a dog[1]..."

Although P'Natee's metaphor was a bit rude, it was straight to the point. Some people in the audience even laughed.

"Love is more uncertain than the lottery. If you love the right one, you win. If you love the wrong one, you lose. So I really get it. I'm impressed that you could openly admit your love for someone, even if it's someone you shouldn't. You're brave! You're not afraid to be honest, nor are you afraid to lose. You're just facing it with courage! You're truly amazing!"

P'Natee gave me a thumbs up.

"I want to say, even if you're not the winner for today, you've won my heart!"

P'Natee declared it so clearly, followed by the cheering from DomHusky. His words were so empowering, I felt encouraged.

"Next, what about the judges who chose Sun? Khun Wayu, please let us know what you think." The host said.

"N'Sun's performance was very impressive. It was incredible. I was really into his performance. It's so rare for me to admit someone as an idol at first sight, but I can say, N'Sun was born to be an idol."

P'Wayu applauded Sun. I totally agreed with him, but then he continued...

"Actually, I wanted to choose my own university, but I can't."

His last statement earned him a glare from PD Kwang. However, P'Wayu's fans didn't seem to be disappointed with this. Well, the good-looking person was always right anyway. Especially for a lame joker like P'Wayu, no one would take his words seriously.

"Thank you krub, Khun Wayu. How about Khun In? Why did you choose this candidate?"

It was now P'In's turn, somehow he didn't look quite well, but he still did his job.

"N'Sun is very talented, creative, and outstanding." That was all P'In said and nothing more.

"Uh...what about Khun Sea?" The host was a little taken aback that P'In finished his line too fast. So he moved on to the last judge, P'Sea.

"The reason why I chose N'Sun." P'Sea said.

"First, because he gave us a marvellous performance. I dare say that everyone would think the same. His performance was the best show in this contest..."

Many in the audience supported what he said — mostly from DomNangnuan and Sun's fan club.

"Second..." P'Sea continued. "Because Sun is an exceptional talent. If he wins the contest, his popularity will strengthen the fan base for UNISTAR...And the last reason..."

I was surprised that he still had another reason.

I noticed P'Sea glancing at P'In with such a sneaky expression.

"Just...If I didn't choose N'Sun, somebody would probably be sad."

His words were very vague. I didn't get what he meant and I doubt other people would catch it either. However, the host just nodded and got on with the show.

"As we've already heard what the judges had to say, it's time to...close the online vote. While we're waiting for the calculated score, I'd like to thank all the sponsors who supported the UNISTAR project..."

"This contest is produced by MW Entertainment and MWTV, supported by MW enterprises; MW Electronic, Maxwell Apparel, Molly Welly cosmetic, Mary Wille real estate & hotel, Marcus Willis Automobile, Mawerick Sport-wear, Mineral Wales Malls, and other partners..."

"Thank you to the universities all over Thailand for supporting the UNISTAR project. Finally, and most importantly thank you to all Unity who supports us. This UNISTAR project is only possible because of all of you. Thank you so much!"

I was stunned when I heard all the sponsor names. MW was indeed extraordinarily diverse and the UNISTAR members were the brand ambassadors for all of them.

While waiting for the results, the host announced the rewards that the winner and the runner-ups would receive. Then, PD Kwang thanked the audience and contestants. He wished all of us good luck.

"And now, the result is already in my hands. Please welcome PD Kwang to the stage to present the rewards to tonight's winners."

The hall fell silent, everyone was looking forward to finding out who would be the next UNISTAR member. PD Kwang walked up to the stage and stood beside us.

"Starting from the second runner-up..." The host opened the score paper in his hands.

"...with a score of 15.22%"

Everyone here anxiously waited for the announcement.

"Congratulations to...N'Oat Suphachai, QU Moon!"

Oat's name was announced and the audience cheered for him. Oat was second runner-up! I clapped my hands loudly. I was so happy for him.

Oat stepped out of our line, smiling happily. He received a blue sash with 'Second Runner-Up, UNISTAR 5th Generation' written on it as well as an award plaque and a cash prize of 300,000 Baht. PD Kwang presented the rewards himself.

"Next...if I call your name, please step back."

Then, the host announced six names in a row, one by one. I waited for my name, but didn't hear it. In the end I realised that only me and Sun were left standing in the front.

"And now...we are down to these two candidates...and one of them...will be the 5th generation UNISTAR!"

The scream from the audience was uncontrollable at this point. I was so surprised. What? Me and Sun? We're up against each other for the UNISTAR title? I almost couldn't believe it.

"I'd like to invite all UNISTAR members on the stage to welcome your new member together."

Then, the pathway to the stage lit up and connected the judges' podium to the main stage. So every UNISTAR member could walk to the stage gracefully. The host stood between Sun and I while the UNISTAR members lined up behind us. I didn't have a chance to look at P'In.

"Each year, from all the shining Moon upon the sky, we select the shiniest one as our UNISTAR member."

"And tonight...I'll announce the name of the new superstar, who will join the UNISTAR — The National Moon project..."

I closed my eyes, trying to stay calm and listen to the announcement.

Well. It didn't seem like I had to wait too long nor expect too much.

"And the winner, with the highest score of 31.11%, the 5th generation UNISTAR is..."

The host paused for a while, heightening the anticipation for everyone here as well as the audience watching online.

"Congratulations to...N'Sun Suriyaphak, XYU Moon!"

The host announced, immediately followed by an overwhelming cheer from the audience, especially from Sun's fan club. Confetti and glitter were shot on the main stage to congratulate the winner.

Sun smiled brightly. He walked forward to receive his reward. He was awarded a plaque in gold colour with the UNISTAR logo on the top. He also received a cash prize of 1,000,000 baht. And the most significant part, the winner would receive the UNISTAR uniform to wear on this stage, while the runner-up would only get the sash.

PD Kwang brought the UNISTAR uniform for Sun, it was a blue outer suit with golden embroidery decoration and the moon-star brooch. This would confirm that Sun had officially become one of the UNISTAR members from now on.

When Sun wore the UNISTAR uniform, Sun raised his trophy up amidst the cheering and applause from the audience.

And me...I was clapping my hand behind him.

I...didn't win as the UNISTAR.

Well, I didn't feel bad about it at all, as I already knew it since the interview part. I had never thought I would come this far anyway.

"And for the first runner-up, with a score of 30.42%..."

"Congratulations! N'Win Archawin, XU Moon!"

I won the second prize! I almost forgot that I had won second place. I was both excited and surprised.

I walked forward, hearing the continuous applause. PD Kwang gave me the 'First Runner-Up, UNISTAR 5th Generation' sash with an award plaque and the cash prize.

"Congratulations!" PD Kwang smiled at me.

After the results had been announced, the host then made the closing speech, thanking all the fans and audience. We then had a group photo together. Even though the contest had ended, the MWTV live feed was still on. The staff were still recording the scene after the contest, and most fans were still in the hall because the UNISTAR members were still on the stage.

While I was taking photos with Oat, Sun and the sponsors. I saw P'In talking to the host.

"Can I use the mic?" P'In asked. The host seemed to be confused, but still handed him the microphone.

"What are you doing?" PD Kwang noticed that and asked.

"I'm sorry, P'Kwang." P'In raised his hands to salute PD Kwang guiltily, then he looked at me.

At first, I almost avoided eye contact because I felt too guilty and ashamed to face him.

Nevertheless, P'In smiled at me, as if he was relieved.

'Is he smiling for me?'

I widened my eyes. It was so rare to see his smile. And it was such a gentle smile that I had never seen before.

"I'm sorry for interrupting. I'm IN, UNISTAR, I'd like to say something."

When the fans heard P'In's voice, they seemed to be confused. Everyone on stage paused to turn to him as well.

"I need to say this now, because I don't know if I'd have a second chance," P'In started with his signature monotone, but his expression was very serious.

"I'd like to apologise to everyone who has supported me to this day. Until now, I'm glad to be a UNISTAR. I'm happy that everyone accepted me, happy to receive the love from everyone..."

P'In bowed his head to the audience, as if he was about to do something unforgivable.

"But, I can't follow everyone's expectations anymore. I can't keep my image as a UNISTAR member any longer."

P'In bowed his head again and said firmly.

"I'll quit UNISTAR."

His surprising announcement caused a sudden outburst of incomprehensible cries from everyone in this hall, even louder than it was during the winner announcement, especially from DomKati.

"Wait, N'In? What are you doing? Stop!" PD Kwang seemed so shocked. He was trying to stop P'In, but P'In just ignored him and continued.

"I know, everyone would feel bad because of me, everyone would be disappointed. But I don't want to hide it anymore. I can't lie to myself either...Because I..."

Now, P'In turned to me with such a warm smile.

"I like Win too."

☽------------☽

Footnote :

[1] 'Born like a dog' is a Thai idiom which refers to someone who behaves very badly. It is impolite to use this idiom in general.
 

Author's Note:

Surprise! We're so excited to release this as a present to our amazing readers. We've been itching to announce the release, but decided you'd love a surprise release more. (Yes, you don't need to wait until 2022 to find out N'Win's answer and who won)

With this chapter's release, we've also updated chapters 11 - 17 with the re-edited versions. We hope you'll love them too!

Happy Holidays, and we'll see you in the next one ^_^

Love, the Invisible Moon translation team.