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The average girl who doesn't want to be average

โดย TMBA

This novel will be about an average girl who values her studies the most but still even if she cares about her GPA it's still not enough to motivate her. She might has mental disorder. (This novel is based from real life with some added false events)

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จำนวนตอน : 0 ตอน
อัปเดตล่าสุด :  25 ม.ค. 58 / 00:00 น.

แท็กนิยาย

emptiness

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What is the purpose of my life? Am I really smart? Am I worth it? Am I the one? These are questions that gathered aroound my mind. People see me as one of the intelligent students in the school. I bet you think I'm happy but unfortunately I'm not. I despise myself. Not only my appearance but also my personality. I admit I need help but who would want to help me. I have no one. Absolutely no one at all. But that doesn't affect me as much as how much worthless I am. So, let me explain more about myself. I'm just an average teenage girl who wants to be important even just once in my lifetime. I don't have a supportive family that will always help me from my disease. My unstoppable disease. It's a ongoing disease that will makes your mind go wrong and weird just in a second. It will make you feel worthless and useless. I don't know whether I'm depressed or anxious but if you will let me guess it would be anxiety. Because, I don't see any talented things in me. I don't see any point that will allow me to feel important. I'm very bad almost at everything but somehow in school my GPA is very high even if I never touch a slight of the book. I never read for a test but I get a 3.80 GPA almost every quarter. And that's why I feel like life is nothing because it's too easy.  feel that my school give out grade easily which made me very mad because I felt like they don't care about their own students AT ALL. So if the school is careless how could we, the wanting to learn student, be able to stay motivated. My GPA is high. My family is wealthy. I have many family businesses. I have friends who cares and trust in me. I have a great family. But the problem is my mind. I feel that everything is not enough. I knew that life is unfair but that's the point. If it's unfair then I will not do my best. I hardly tell my feeling to anyone. When I'm starting to realize my feeling, my parents or friends or anyone have never see my cry again. I don't cry infront of anybody. I don't trust anyone including myself. But I still have some love for God. I pray and pray but I feel that my soul is not connected to God anymore. Before, all my wishes were granted. But now I don't feel like praying becase being anxious drains my energy. I feel empty. I don't feel sad or happy but empty. My mom always say that I'm heartless. But I wonder I'm a person who has lots of feeling these days. I cared too much and that cost me to be hurt. I feel lonely like I'm always alone. My life is great but my mind is the worst of all. I love myself but not much. I despise myself but not much. Everything is like going on in the same tone. No feelings at all. I want my feeling back. The pain killed my feelings. I want them back.

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