My Scratch Paper

ลำดับตอนที่ #2 : The funeral: Introduction

อันนี้​เป็น๫านที่​เรา​เ๦ียนส่๫​โร๫​เรียน๨่ะ​ ​เป็น​เหมือน essay ๬บ ​เรีย๥ว่า teagle ​เราส่๫๫านนี้​ไป​แล้ว ​เลย​เอามา​เ๥็บ​ไว้​ในนี้​เ๭ยๆ​๨่ะ​

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Introduction

For as long as I can remember, I have always thought about life. The question that I have always had and could not answer is ‘What is life?’ At the same time that I wondered about life, I have been aware of death from studying in Buddhist kindergarten. One important principle that I have always been taught about is that nothing can last forever, so death is inevitable. Death has always seemed taboo, like society did not like it much. Because of that, although I am familiar with the word ‘death,’ I did not really think about it until I wanted it, to die, when I was in high school. School in Thailand is very intense, and a lot of kids who cannot manage their stress properly have thought of disappearing. I found that a lot of my friends, including me, wanted to disappear sometimes. Thoughts of suicide are more common than I ever imagined. However, I found that although many in Thailand think about death, our reasons for contemplating that it might be desirable are different. Although I have no feeling of committing suicide anymore, I still think a lot about life and death. Those thoughts have become an important part of my daily life, and I would like to write about those meditations.

I’ve read No Longer Human from Osamu Dazai. The book is half fiction and half true story of the author. The story portrays the life of Oba Yozo who has failed to live as a human being. The main character whose struggles to fit in with society and to express himself, since he was a child, affect his life greatly as he grows up addicted to alcohol, drugs, and women. He also fails in his attempts to commit suicide with his lover many times. The society we live in asks for great achievements from each one of us. Society creates high expectations and standards. People who cannot meet that line are often seen as weird and are easily left out. The childhood of Oba Yozo reveals that he asks for a funny mask from his dad as a gift, although he does not want it. He did it because he thought that this is what a child should do and everybody expects him to do that. The story reveals layers between each action and his true self. The book let me ask myself what kind of life would be worth enough for society to let it be enough? It also let me think about how well I know others and about the thoughts behind their actions that I don’t understand. The story itself is also very depressing. There is no happy ending in this story; society can apply so much pressure that a happy ending is hard to find. Just one of the characters in this teagle is influenced by the thought of worthiness.

I got the idea of portraying a story through many characters from In a Grove which is a short story from Ryunosuke Akutagawa. The story is also adapted into a movie called Rashomon. This story talks about the unclear truth from three perspectives completely different from each other. Unlike In a Grove, this teagle reveals, whether it is true or not, a clearer picture of what happened through each character. In order to study more about ways to tell a story with different perspectives, I read The Hours, a novel written by Michael Cunningham. This story also talks about suicide and how people hide their true-self from others. The Hours also hides the themes of LGBTQ+ and mental illness throughout the whole story. The story reveals how unintentionally ignorant people could be and the ways being positive may not always be the best result for every problem. The husband of Mrs. Brown who loves and cares for Mrs. Brown with all of his heart never notices that she is so stressed out about being a mother. Mrs. Brown needs to drive far-far away, paying for a hotel room only to read a book because her house is no longer her space. We also see Richard, who tries to be happy with the prize he wins, but somehow just can’t be. We also learn the experience of Mrs. Woolf, who decides to end her own life; her death is so beautiful, with the sky, water, mother, and son. No Longer Human portrays life with tragedy, but The Hours portrays a life that looks to be peaceful and full of happiness. Two of the characters in this teagle are influenced by Mrs. Brown’s husband and Richard.

This teagle is a story of people at one woman’s funeral. Everyone in the story has thought about suicide before, and they all have their own reasons for thinking about their own death. Although they have all wanted to die, they are still confused about the death of the woman, and all wonder why she would kill herself. The dead woman cannot talk, so no one really knows what is in the woman’s head. All of the people at the funeral have different ways of looking at their lives. We see the husband who doesn't want to live anymore because death is an easier choice, the sister who does not want to live anymore because she thinks she does not deserve life, the friend who does not want to live anymore because she thinks she deserves better, and the daughter who wonders how death feels like. Some of the thoughts portrayed in this story come from people I have talked to, the books I’ve read, or even from my own mind.

The story takes place in a Thai-style funeral. In the past new year, 2020, I lost my grandmother. The reality that I could not go back for her funeral is really sad for me. Therefore, I decided to portray the funeral in my story instead.

The question I hope this story will make you think about is whether we really need a reason to die and whether we really need a reason to live. I hope you will enjoy it.