แฟ้มงาน

ลำดับตอนที่ #4 : Mrs.Dubose's perspective

      The only thing that I like the most is Camellia flowers especially white Camellia, so when  I moved to this small city , Maycomb the first thing that I do is to plant white Camellias in my garden so that I could look at it anytime I want. I decided to move to Maycomb myself because I was told that I have been infected a serious disease that couldn't be cured that why decided to move to this village so that I could spend the rest of my life alone and peacefully ; however life isn't that easy for me because after I moved to this village .One day. While I was looking at my white Camellia , and  trying to stand up to grab my sunglasses.  Suddenly I felt a sharp pain then I failed down lying on the floor. I can't even move my body, my muscle and skeletons were aching. Luckily, there was a man passed by. He saw me so he picked me up to the hospital. The doctor said to me that my disease had gone worse and I would not be able to walk anymore. I need to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair and have to have a caregiver with me all the time so that she could help me perform my normal tasks. After that the doctor also gave me Morphine. He said that it would help me release my pain but I shouldn't use it too often ; otherwise, I would become morphine-addicted . After I came back to my home, I hired a caretaker named  Jessie to look after me, but one thing I didn’t expect is that the disease will cause me so much pain that it's like there is someone lunging swords into my legs, it's so painful that I had no choice but to use Morphine to relieve my pain . As time passed, I fully become what people called Morphine addicted. Being Morphine-addicted made me become so moody that sometimes when people just do something I don't like  I feel furious with them as if I was having a menstruation with me all the time . My routine was so simple; waking up, eating lunch, watching Camellia in my yard , injecting Morphine  and then going to sleep . My everyday life is like a cycle until one day, it's changed because two children who just moved near my house. I had been informed that there will be a family moved to Maycomb and stayed near my house .Initially, I felt really interested on them because our village seldom have children so I think that it would be nice if there are some kids around my house. I spent time thinking what would those children look like.  Then, I saw a man lead a boy and a girl by the hand and stop at the front of my house. He introduced me that his name was Atticus and his two children named Jem and Scout. their appearance made me think that these kids must be very naughty and what I think is right .

A day after that, Jem and Scout are playing near my house I notice that they are really noisy and also have no respect to the elder. As when they passed through my house, instead of greeting me politely, they ignored me which make me really mad. ‘Didn't they father told you to respect of the elder? ’ I shout and blame on them Scout seems to feel sorry to me but Jem seems to unlike the way I say to them. Well, I always say things out loud and aggressively ,but to be honest I'm no that angry but my voice just be like this since I was born .Well, I think that both of them might hate me now but who cares . After that days, my routine changes a little bit. There is something has been added to my routine. It's to seek for those two kids and see what they're going to do today. One day I see Scout dress improperly I say to her that she should change her dressing style as she always dresses in boylike which is abnormal for girls to do so. Scout has a cute face by natural if she dresses in womanlike I'm pretty sure that she would be very cute but if she still dressing in manlike I'm afraid that she will end up staying alone like me now. Having them around the picture about my peaceful life is breaking into pieces, they're so noisy that sometimes I need to blame them for being so but when they are not around instead of feeling good , I feel somehow lonely . My spend my life living like this for a long time, but one day everything goes wrong. It's the day that my white Camellia becomes yellow. On that days , I spend my time watching my white Camellia as usual but as I look at my white Camellia, it changes into yellow color. At first, I think that my eyes just blur so I relook at it, but they're still yellow so I ask Jessie why my flowers become yellow like this  . Jessie answer me that my flowers aren't yellow , they're white as usual suddenly after saying so she seems to know something , she asks me to wait here and then quickly get the phone and call someone . After a few minutes, a doctor comes to my house and check my body, he says that unable to see color correctly is a signal that my disease already comes to the final stage and I’m able to live only for a month. I was stunned I never expect that this time would come so quickly. At that moment I become crazy, I couldn’t make myself believe what I just heard. So Jessie picks me to the porch so that I could cool myself down but how I can do that! Suddenly, I see Jem and Scout passed my house at that moment I just need someone to blame on so that I can express my anger then I release that someone just told me that Atticus, their father, is defending niggar so I said to them 'Your father's no better than the niggers and trash he works for' I know that what I say to them is really mean and that Jem must be really angry. After saying so, I ask Jessie to pick me back to my room so that I could truly cool myself down. After I’m cooling down, I rethink about what I just said to Jem and Scout, I really feel sorry to them from the deepest of my heart. So I ask Jessie to pick me to Atticus house so that I could say sorry to them but as I go out of my house, I have changed my mind .What I see in front of my eyes is my garden that are now left only green buds and leaves . All my flowers are cut and laid on the ground, but what’s abnormal is my feeling. I feel nothing, the word anger doesn’t even come through my head. I know that Jem must be the one who did this but I think it’s fair for what I just said to them. If I were Jem I would do the same things. However, I couldn't let this pass as Jem need to have a punishment so I come up with a plan. I ask Jessie to phone Atticus, I tell him everything and ask him if I could borrow Jem to be at my house and read books for me for a month as a punishment. Atticus say sure and he would tell Jem about it. Days after, I am lying on my bed waiting for Jem to read me a book , I also tell Jessie my final wish that I want to eradicate Morphine in my body because I want to die free .So we come up that an hour that Jem will read me up, I will withdrew from the drug . After Jem and Scout arrive, when Jem sees my face he says that he isn't scared of me but well I could see his legs shaking anyways. Is my faced that dreadful? Then I ask Jem to start reading while he reading through it, he reads it too fast that I hardly catch up what he's saying and sometimes he just speak out the word incorrectly so I let him stop and make he spell it out and say it again, but as time passed, I fail on sleeping and when I wake up again Jem and his sister are already gone . During the time Jem reads me books is like I become a child again. Will my last day of living be like I just have a long sleep?  Things keep going like this repeatedly until it's already the last day. Today , I don't even want the clock to ring . I wish I could spend more time with them a little bit longer ,but I think they might want it to end quickly so as a reward of  hard working I let them go back home early , but  I don't forget to teach Jeremy a final lesson 'Jeremy Finch, I told you'd live to regret tearing up my Camellia . You regret it now, don't you' I say. 'Yes ma'am I feel regret now ' he said . 'And that's all. Good-day to you' I say. I watch their back until they go out of my house. Everything seems quiet, too quiet. Maybe this will be the last time I would see both of them. Finally, I didn't even say sorry for doing all bad things to them, how coward I am. For me, they are like my own kids maybe because I have no child so at the first time I saw them I feel so adore of them . I wonder if I have a kid will my kid be as cheerful as them? Will my kid be as naughty as them? If I have kids I truly want my kids to be like them but I always do bad things to them I'm sure that they already hate me. I don't even say good things to them. Well, the only good word that I have ever said to them is 'Good-days' ,so I asked Jessie for the last time to give Jeremy a box of Camellia flowers as a symbol of my apologies for everything . The only thing that I wish right now is I wish they would forgive me.