Mind-Self

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Short story: Mind-self

When you watch onto the sky, what is the color that you can see? Black in the night. Blue or white in the day, right? It seem to be strange for someone to ask some question like this. I know, I used to think like that too. But at this moment this is the only question that I always ask myself.

Today is quite usual. Actually nothing going to be changed. What I see still gray; not totally black but I can’t say that it’s white. Same as people around me, I don’t know what are they thinking now or even are they able to think.

This world is weird for me. I think I have been stayed here for long time. But I can’t remember any of my past at all.

This started from last year, I got up in the morning from my bed. I felt like this world has been changed. When I watched out from the window, what I can saw was the picture of the city- the dream city which full of things come into my mine. Lot of people walked on the sideway, the road which full of car. I don’t knew why but this picture always made me frustrated.

Everyone on the street did the same thing like what they used to do- just walked along the road. All of their eyes were blanked. It seem like none of us were actually living- we were just willing to do what we must do.

I always stare in front of the window like this every day and thinking about my past for a few minute before my day was started.

Then, I walk away from the window preparing for this long day. I wear the same suit as usual- the long white cloth with the white canvas shoes.

At this time, everything in the room become once combined and unable separated. Only the black, shiny and creepy number that show on my back that different.

It is the picture of number ‘13’. I hate this thing but I can't do anything about it.

I went out from my room. The walkway is empty. Hundreds of doors on the both side, but I receive no sound. Many life used to stayed here but now they gone and probably they won't be came back..

I used to had friend, I thought. He stayed at the room next to me. I actually knew him just for a few day before he gone. He said that he going to back soon. But right now, it almost 3 months have already passed, none of the sign reminded me about him anymore.

This buliding have two floors; I live on the second floor. I hate the first floor- extremely hate the first floor. I dislike those people there. Everyone that used to be white. I deny those smile- the fake smile without sincerity.

I stop for a while and listen to the sound in my head.

“Gray is the answer.” I am looking nowhere and notice nothing. The wall that used to be white but now it is not. I start to be fear and walk carefully to my left. There is no life there.

I pause my breath and suddenly run stealthily. I am heading to the stair and prepareing to survive. But then I have to stop- hearing the sound that I have been fought. I am freezing again before trying to hide.

“Are you Mr. Amnes from room 13?” she speaks softly. “What are you doing here?”

It is too late. She found me. I can see her eyes- her blank pitiful eyes. She comes in gray, smiling at me. I gasp my breath for retreat myself. She comes so near, stabbing to my arm. She shifts her hand and pressing something into me.

I am moving back quickly- pulling this creepy gray thing out of my arm, throw it away and begining to run.

The walkway seem to be longer than usual. I am feeling nothing on my left arm. It has no blood or even pain. I back to my room, lock the door and hiding on the bed.

I hate this place and absolutely this world that obstructing my life. I hate this room where blocking me to run. I hate those guy who puts me here. I hate those sky which make me nearly blind. I hate my past which forget myself.

Today is very tired, I feel like I want to abandon myself. Then, I close my eyes and forsaking everything.

My eyes were forced to open from the light that pass through the window- the new white light of the day wakes me up.

I don’t know when I have been slept last night or even how did this little hold on my left arm come from. It’s seem like someone injected me something.

I walked around the room. But this room is pretty broad and had nothing. Moreover, it’s all paint in gray. I am walking to the window on the left slowly, looking out there to the world is that I have not seen for the long time. But what I see is whammy. The grayish world. My time seem to be stop from that moment. I moved away from the window and sited on the bed Beginning to congregated everything again.  

“Nothing, Nothing, Nothing, why I can’t remember anything!”

I shouted out as loud as I can. Nothing reply. My head is certainly blank. I decided to get out of this room and find the truth about this thing. But I don’t know why my legs still trembly.

"Mr. Amnes, are you okay?"

The unusual sound is coming from other side of the door. By the way, the shadow from that sound started to pass through the space between the door made me able to saw the monstrous figue in my mind.

The door still opening-continue to opening. I don't know what to do either hid nor fought. But, suddenly the room became so quiet. I felt so calm and my mind became cooler. I understood more thing.

They all sat in front of me, asked nothing, there are 3 or maybe 4, 1 man and 2-3 woman. They are quite bury. I cannot saw them that well.

For a while, the old man in the front started to talked. But I didn't really understand what he was saying. My head became full.

"Take care, if you can remember anything please tell me."

Then they gone. I stayed still, trying to understand something eventhough I recieved nothing.

I open my eye slowly- gets up for the long dream that I have met every night about the first day in this room. However, I don't really feel anything about it anymore.

I move out from my bed. My body moves quite perfect, except from my arm. My arm still hurt. That white did something like this to me again. But it fine. It usually makes me feel lot calmer.

I put myself onto the bed again. Close my eye and think about my past. Nothing in my head except one little girl, I cannot remember who she is. It is pretty weird for me to think of someone like this. Because, I has no family.

"Brother, why are you here?"

My eye opens suddenly. Everything around me still be the same. There are nothing except gray. But my brain start to works now.

At this moment, I understand everything. However,  I do nothing- waiting those white for visiting me today.

Not for long time, I hear the sound that I familiar with- the foot step sound. It is moving closer and closer until it is stopping in front of my room's door. The door begins to open. Everything around me start to be freezing.

"Hello, Mr. Amnes, today I have something to talk with you."

    I smile.

"I also have something to talk with you too," I answer.

Then, I close my eye for a while. Look up at the sky and let the time that still freeze move again. I open my mouth and preparing myself.

"Mr. Amnes, I want to say sorry to you. I do my best to save her but—" said the old man quitely.

Before he continues his joke, I get out of the bed and walk thought the window and I talk.

"Docter, what is the color of the sky like now?"

I open the window carefully and walking back onto the bed. Sit down there, and look at them.

"Blue.” He replies silently.

"Blue, are you joking?" I shout.

"This world don't have such color. Docter, you know what? God makes this world equally. No one is better than other. We are all same. What wrong is the way we look."

I hold my breath and continues to talking.

"No one know this truth except me. God give me this thing- the truly sight of nature. Gray is the answer of everything. No one in this world are fully black, but still no one that can be perfectly white, right?"

Everything in the room seem to be freeze again. But I know that it is not. It still moving. I move my eye from one side to the other side. I see no change and feeling nothing.

"What happen? Why don't you say anything?", I ask them again.

     Nothing reply from any of them. People in the room start to go outside, only the old man stay.

"I'm sorry, Mr.Amnes. As a docter, I'm failing. I can't save your sister life and I can't even do what she says and at the last minute of her live she—" he cries.

Now I'm quite confusing. My brain is bury. The time in my head start to stop again.

"What are you talking about? I don't understand about it." I yell at him again.

Right now, this world, is just something that someone make up. Probely god who make it. This eye makes me understand about this world that we stay. But I don't understand why even I can solve this problem. I still feel like I know nothing. Lot of question come into my head; why does the god have to give me this power? Or even why it has to be me who get this power?

The old man seem to be relax now. He stands up slowly and begin to talks again.

"Mr. Amnes, even everything seem like to happen in the wrong way, but I surely that your sister will be happy that her eye can help you."

The old man walks out from the room. His face looks dejected. He turns around at the door, smile sincerely to me before closing that door forever.