Camille's Novelber 2017

ลำดับตอนที่ #3 : 03 กรีดร้อง (Lezhin's Out of Control, Heeno/Aerak, BL/Yaoi, angst)

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03 ๥รี๸ร้อ๫

(Heeno/Aerak from Out of Control, Aerak POV)

See the at the end of the chapter (?) for the author’s notes.

I chose to ignore it.

I chose to think the voice inside of my head didn’t exist.

I chose to ignore the past.

I chose to ignore all of the times that I had spent on forgetting the pain, arrows after arrows.

I chose harmfulness over happiness.

Some time ago, I had a crush on a junior. He was dazzlingly beautiful, walking past the flower garden where I cared for the plants. I didn’t think he noticed me, which was normal, but I was glad I got to admire such a stunning creature.

One day, I was planting just like usual. I saw him with a couple of girls walking along the path. They were going to come near the garden.

By the time he was going to walk past the garden gate, a small gang showed up.

I didn’t remember what they said when they stuffed my mouth with crushed tomatoes and dirt like a pig because I didn’t give a damn about it.

I only cared that he noticed me.

He did.

The other day, I was also busy in the garden when he was about to pass by.

I turned once and I saw him staring at me, with surprise I turned back.

Unexpectedly, he called me!

He asked me what I was carrying and I handed him an apple from the plastic bag in my hand. I thought the apple was an important start of… our friendship or something. We kept talking until the break was over, even if it was mostly me asking him questions.

I started to get greedy.

I ran after him and crossed the line I shouldn’t have crossed.

I sensed that I had made a mistake.

“What a shame,” I was only a fat loser in his eyes. “I don’t date animals.”

I shot arrows day and night, never missing a day, skipping meals. My hands were calloused and I lost weight naturally. I shot the hardest, destroyed what I despised with the arrows.

I despised him.

That was how my resentment towards him gradually became forgotten.

Here he is, bringing all those pain back into my days.

Here he is, not knowing I was a fat loser that had disgusted him.

Here he is, praising the new me.

Here he is, taking a slice of my heart.

Here I am, saying yes to the pain I had managed to forget.

Here I am, neglecting what I have been working for, just to admire beauty.

Here I am, pretending to be deaf, not taking in the fact that he had hurt me before, and trying to believe that he has changed.

“It’s true you’re different from Heeno, but that doesn’t mean I’m any different from him.”

“I liked him first.”

“I liked him only because of his looks.”

“That’s it.”

Here I am, ignoring both the voice screaming inside of my head and the voice reaching out to me.

“I love you Sunbae!” Sorry. “I love you!”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

​เ๨ย​เห็น​เรื่อ๫นี้ (Out of Control) มานาน​แล้ว๨่ะ​ ​แ๹่๮่ว๫นี้มี​ให้อ่านฟรี​ไม่​ใ๮้ coins ​ใน Lezhin ​เลย​ไปอ่าน๸ู (๬น๬บ​ในวัน​เ๸ียวอห 55555555) สนุ๥มั่๥๥๥ สำ​หรับ๨ู่นี้ ๬า๥ที่อ่าน๹่อ​ใน๨อม​เม้น ​ใน Mangapark ​เพราะ​บา๫๹อนล็อ๥​ไว้​ใน Lezhin (...) นั้นนนน ​เป็น๨ู่ที่๨น​เ๥ลีย๸มา๥ที่สุ๸ !!!!!!! 555555 ​เออมัน๥็น่าอยู่​เพรา​เป็น๨ู่ที่ ทำ​​ให้รู้สึ๥​แบบ uneasy ​ไม่๸ีย์​เบยย์อะ​​ไร๫ั้น // ​แ๹่​เรารู้สึ๥​เป็น๥ลา๫นะ​ // อา๬๬ะ​๨่อน​ไปทา๫๮อบ // ๯ึ่๫๥็​ไม่​ใ๮่สิ่๫ที่๸ีนั๥ 5555 อา๬๬ะ​​เพราะ​​เรา๮อบพว๥ angst มั้๫๨ะ​-- // ​แ๹่ถ้า​ใ๨รอ่าน​แล้ว: ​เรา​เ๮ียร์​โ๸ยุล (​ไม่รู้ว่าอ่านถู๥หรือ​เปล่านะ​ 555) ๥ับ Aerak (อ่าน​ไม่​ไ๸้๬ริ๫ ๆ​ ​แอรั๥ ​เอรั๥ ???) ​ไม่​ไหว๥ับ Heeno ​ในอ๸ี๹ ​โ๯​เฮิร์ทฟูล (๬ะ​​ไม่​เ๦ียน๮ื่อ​เป็นภาษา​ไทยละ​๥ันฮือ 5555) ​เ๬็บส์

I absolutely fall in love with the series though. I hope you could check it out sometime! It’s in Lezhin as ‘Out of Control’ and in Mahnwa as “Never Understand”.

Thank you. ❤️