บทความของความรัก

ลำดับตอนที่ #388 : I'm sorry you loved me

I always remember that night when we were sitting on the bench
You pulled my hand and scribbled ‘I love you’ on my palm
You made butterflies in my stomach flying like crazy

I had a big smile on my face every time you called me and when you told me that you miss me
I enjoyed talking to you on the phone all night long, no matter how tired or sleepy I was
You made me happy when you told me that you didn’t want to hang up the phone when you called me
And I never wanted to hang up the phone either
Although I didn’t have much sleep, I wanted to wake up early every morning so that I can go to school as fast as I can to see you

I liked reading sweet messages you always sent me
I liked falling asleep while I was still talking to you on the phone
I liked it when you sang to till I fell asleep
I liked it when you said you were happy that we were together
I liked walking beside you and when you hold my hand so tight like you never want to let me go
I liked it when you hugged me because it made me feel safe and warm in your arms and I wanted to stay like that forever
Every moment I spent with you I felt love, care, warmth and safe

You always told me that you miss me
You made me feel like I was a special person
You made my bad days turn happy just by looking into my eyes
You made me feel so safe and warm when I was with you
You made me feel like I can do anything in this world, as long as you are beside me
You made me feel like stopping the time just to halt the moment we were together and keep it still like that forever

You are the first person who gave me a wonderful experience in relationship
Because you made me feel the way I never though I could feel
Because you told me that you loved me
Because you made me miss you when you weren’t around
Because you made me happy every time I think of you
Because you showed me that to have one special person right next to you is the most wonderful that could ever happen
And that was how I honestly and truly felt when I was with you

For that I want to thank you for giving me your love, care, warmth, security and wonderful moments we spent together
Something I could never ever forget

You were so good and kind to me, but I was so cruel to you in return
You gave me warmth, but I returned you with my coldness
You gave me your love, but instead I left you crying in pain
You tried to call me many times, but I never answered your call
You probably wanted to ask me what was wrong with us and especially what was wrong with me, but I never gave you a chance
You probably wanted to know why I suddenly changed, but I never told you

Honestly, I wasn’t even sure what happened to me
I didn’t know exactly why I walked out on you
May be I was confused
May be I was lost
But one thing to be sure, I didn’t leave you for someone else
Because you were too good and no one could ever replace you

This wouldn’t even happen if I talked to you first
I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything to you
I’m sorry that I didn’t even say good bye
I’m sorry that I didn’t consult you with my feelings
I’m sorry that I was being selfish
I’m sorry that I left you wondering, worrying, stressing, and crying about our relationship by yourself
I’m sorry that I left you to figure it out on your own, without any response from me
I’m sorry
I’m very sorry

I know you must be hurt when I left you like that
You might hate me for what I did to you
But I can truly accept that because I knew that it was my fault
And you have every right to blame me, and hate me
I know I shouldn’t have left you like that
I’m sorry
I’m very sorry

I’m sorry for being so inconsiderate of your feelings
I’m sorry that you wasted your time on a cold person like me
I’m sorry that you wasted your truly sweetness and genuine care on a selfish person like me
I’m sorry that you wasted your love and feelings on a heartless person like me
I’m sorry that I gave you nothing but my coldness and pain in return
You were so good to me but how could I do that to you
How could I do this the first person I actually ‘love’
I’m sorry
I’m very sorry
I really am…sorry


And now that we are not together anymore
I feel like there is a big hole in my life
I feel as if a part of me is missing
I haven’t been with anyone since I left you
It serves me right since I’ve done such terrible things to you

Since that day
I miss the time when you were next to me
I miss hours of phone calls that we had
I miss your sweet messages you sent me
I miss your sweet voice when you sang to me
I miss falling asleep after talking to you
I miss the time when you hold my hand
I miss the big and warm hug that you gave me
I miss the love you gave me
I miss missing you
And I miss the all the feeling I had when I was with you

But I don’t want you to come back to me
Because I’m scare that I might do that to you again
And I don’t want to hurt you ever again

This is a horrible pain
But I deserve it

I’m sorry that you loved me
But I’m not sorry that I loved you